She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
