chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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