True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
