I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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