kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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