After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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