grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
