she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
