Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
