I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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