i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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