who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
