Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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