you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
