How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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