I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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