And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
