Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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