forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
