i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How's work?
Spinning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
