I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
