I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize