I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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