We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
