Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
