The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
