remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
