Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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