Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
