He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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