Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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