I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
