apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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