did you get engaged???
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
