I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
