did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
