i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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