Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
