i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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