did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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