and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
