We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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