The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
