Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
