I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize