i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
