she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
