I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
