"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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