how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
