So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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