Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
