You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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