You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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