This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize