i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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