i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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