I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
