I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize