Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
