he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
