Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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