Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
