why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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