so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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