She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
