There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize