This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
