My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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