apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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