nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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