I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize