she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
