I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
