Pappa wants mamma naked
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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