so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
