Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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