oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
