Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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