I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
3 2 1 whiskey
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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