Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
