What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
