idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
