My sheets look like a crime scene.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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