Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
No offense, but I donβt think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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