just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
