I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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